Snow Bound

It's recently come to my attention that I am the biggest puss that has ever lived. Something as simple as frozen water falling from the sky has reduced me to a blubbering Weather Channel obsessed mess. Now in my defense, this is a massive ice storm currently kicking Ohio's ass, but I highly doubt it's going to be the End Days- but I'm prepared just in case.

Phone Call While On My Way Home From Work:

me: “I've been calling, you didn't answer. I thought you went out in this shit and were dead in a ditch somewhere. Why didn't you answer your phone? I'm on my way home and we're NEVER going to leave the house again. We will be snowed in until we die. Need anything on my way?"

Lonnie: “umm, we're home. All alive. Everything is fine and it's just a little ice. Come home.”

me: “But you don't understand, We are going to FREEZE TO DEATH. How can you say everything is fine? Do we have batteries for the flashlights? What about water? Do you think Walmart sells generators?”

Lonnie: “seriously. Come home. Come straight home. It's all fine.”

Obviously he doesn't get the severity of this situation. Power lines are going to fall. We're going to be trapped in this house for the next week with no hope of leaving. How are we going to keep warm? What about cooking food? OH MY GAWD, do we even have enough food? I have laundry that needs done, dishes, the sheets need changed on all the beds... There is SO MUCH TO DO. How can you not get how serious this is? So while he tries to tell me to settle down, I'm running around, shrieking orders at the kids.

“Pick up your toys!” “Don't open the fridge- what if the power goes out before it has a chance to get cold again?”, “Don't leave your socks on the floor! If the power goes out you could trip over then and break your neck. How am I supposed to take you to the hospital when my car doors are frozen shut?” “No you can't play outside- what if some idiot comes speeding down the road and slides into our yard and hits you?”

So yeah, I'm pretty sure Lonnie and the kids are all whispering about locking me in a closet until this passes and I go back to my normal “I fucking hate winter but I'm not scared of it” attitude.

I'll post pictures of the icy aftermath tomorrow- here are a couple shots I took from my kitchen door tonight. Note the thick coat of ice on my car. What you can't see is me, screaming and shaking my fist at the sky, damning the Universe for sticking me in Ohio.