Do people even still do this in 2013?

It’s been 2 years since I wrote here.  Really? 2 years?  What the hell?  Do I even still have it in me?  Does anyone even care?  Sure, I can be amusing, but....

Let’s get things up to speed so I can pretend that I’m actually going to do this on a semi-regular basis again.  Basically when I started writing I considered it good practice for the book I want to eventually write.  I also considered it a form of therapy, except cheaper and I don’t feel guilty for my language like I might if I were talking to “a professional.”  Life got in the way, I got lazy… And then a whole bunch of shit went down and I just decided I didn't have anything funny to say.   I had a stroke and it seems to have quieted my creative side.

Family update:  I’m almost divorced.  I’m happy about it.  Harlow lives with me half the time, the big kids are with their dad full time.  I’m not happy about that and I’m not willing to discuss it beyond that right now.  I reconnected with my “one who got away” from high school and that’s turned into one of the most amazing experiences of my life- more on that later.  Basically we've had some really low points, some really high points, but I feel it is all directing me towards a better version of myself and a better future for the kids.

The Shit In My Head update:  It’s easy to be cynical and snarky when it feels like it’s the only thing holding all the pieces together.   It’s easy for me to be angry, because that is my comfort zone.  Where I struggle is self realization.  I have a hard time seeing myself and seeing what actions I need to take to improve.    I can sit here and write 8000 words about how there are a couple bartenders that I see on a regular basis who I hate on sight.  I could tell you about the customers who come into my shop that I want to punch in the face.  I could tell you what a bastard my ex-husband is.  But none of these things really address the issue of “Jens reaction to her environment.”  And that is what I need to work on right now.

For those who read this before, it probably feels a lot different.  It feels different to me too.  It’s not flowing like it used to.  It’s not comfortable any more.  I hope that in time it will become comfortable again, because I really love to write and I don’t think I’ve lost that- I just think it’s sleeping.

But here it is.  I’ve tentatively dipped my toe back into the world of writing publicly.  What happens next?  Hell if I know, but I have a metric shit ton of crazy source material to draw from- so hopefully it’ll be fun for both of us.