In September of last year my grandfather had knee replacement surgery. He was incredibly healthy, everyone was excited for him to get his knee fixed, as it was the only thing about him that even indicated his age, you'd think he was 20 years younger. So he goes for surgery, everything went PERFECT. When I saw him that night he was laughing and joking with the nurses. We visited for a while, then I left so he could rest- promising that I would be back after work the next day. I got a call around 2 the following day that he had collapsed during physical therapy. To make a long story short, he had a very rare complication from anesthesia and he died 11 days later- he never woke up again.
In November, we thought Tori had lymphoma. She had many symptoms and a very large mass in her neck. My biggest fear was not the cancer. It was putting her to sleep to remove the mass. I was so afraid of watching her go through what we'd just watched grandpa go through 2 months previously.
About a week before her surgery, I had a dream. I normally dream quite vividly, and often wake up not quite sure what is dream and what is real. This was not a "real life" kind of dream. Even in the midst of it, I knew I was dreaming. It was smoky and... mysterious... and just unsettling. Everything was gray and I could see my grandfather standing far away from me, holding a baby who I felt was Alex- but I never saw his face. There was no sound, nothing was said- just Grandpa and Alex standing in the distance, with Tori and I standing next to each other. Grandpa was waving, as if to call Tori to him. I woke up then. I never saw if she walked to him or not- but I felt as if I was being prepared to have to say good bye to her. I never got to tell grandpa good bye, once he collapsed he never woke up again. Alex was still born, so I never got to tell him good bye either. I was worried they were coming to make sure I didn't miss another opportunity to say good bye.
Tori made it through the surgery with no problems and we were blessed to find there was no cancer. So maybe there were a couple extra people watching over her that day, making sure everything went right.
I actually kind of forgot about that dream up until a couple weeks ago when I had it again. Only this time, there is no one next to me, it's just Grandpa and Alex and one end of this weird smoky room and me at the other. Now I'm having it almost every night and I don't know why. It's put my head is a really horrible, fucked up place. I feel like there is something they are trying to tell me and I don't think I'm going to feel better until I figure it out.
Actually, I think the first dream was Tori's and you were an intruder. Grandpa wasn't beckoning her to come, he was telling her subconscious how to avoid a "situation". Since you broke into THEIR dream, it's only fair that he break into YOURS. You can end it by thanking him.
ReplyDeleteI read your reply this morning and it literally brought tears to my eyes. It was like "Wow- here is the truth, it was right there in front of me and I couldn't see it" I will thank him; and thank you for opening my eyes.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. ( Unlike in dreams, thanking me won't make me go away . Mace usually works well, though )
ReplyDeleteChris