It’s been 2 years since I wrote here. Really? 2 years? What the hell? Do I even still have it in me? Does anyone even care? Sure, I can be amusing, but....
Let’s get things up to speed so I can pretend that I’m
actually going to do this on a semi-regular basis again. Basically when I started writing I considered
it good practice for the book I want to eventually write. I also considered it a form of therapy,
except cheaper and I don’t feel guilty for my language like I might if I were
talking to “a professional.” Life got in
the way, I got lazy… And then a whole bunch of shit went down and I just
decided I didn't have anything funny to say.
I had a stroke and it seems to
have quieted my creative side.
Family update: I’m
almost divorced. I’m happy about
it. Harlow lives with me half the time,
the big kids are with their dad full time.
I’m not happy about that and I’m not willing to discuss it beyond that
right now. I reconnected with my “one
who got away” from high school and that’s turned into one of the most amazing
experiences of my life- more on that later.
Basically we've had some really low points, some really high points, but
I feel it is all directing me towards a better version of myself and a better
future for the kids.
The Shit In My Head update: It’s easy to be cynical and snarky when it feels like it’s
the only thing holding all the pieces together. It’s easy for me to be angry, because that
is my comfort zone. Where I struggle is
self realization. I have a hard time
seeing myself and seeing what actions I need to take to improve. I can sit here and write 8000 words about
how there are a couple bartenders that I see on a regular basis who I hate on
sight. I could tell you about the
customers who come into my shop that I want to punch in the face. I could tell you what a bastard my ex-husband
is. But none of these things really
address the issue of “Jens reaction to her environment.” And that is what I need to work on right now.
For those who read this before, it probably feels a lot
different. It feels different to me
too. It’s not flowing like it used
to. It’s not comfortable any more. I hope that in time it will become comfortable
again, because I really love to write and I don’t think I’ve lost that- I just
think it’s sleeping.
But here it is. I’ve tentatively
dipped my toe back into the world of writing publicly. What happens next? Hell if I know, but I have a metric shit ton
of crazy source material to draw from- so hopefully it’ll be fun for both of
us.
